Sometimes the signs are subtle: someone becomes quieter, cancels plans, avoids eye contact, or seems unusually nervous. They might brush things off with “It’s nothing,” or “I’m just tired.” But if your gut tells you something isn’t right, listen to it.
Emotional, financial, sexual and coercive control can all happen behind closed doors, with no outward injuries. That doesn’t make them any less real or damaging. The most powerful thing you can do is to offer safe, non-judgemental support, even when the signs are hard to see.
What might non-physical abuse look like?
They constantly check their phone or seem anxious about replying to messages
They’ve stopped seeing friends or family
They’re no longer allowed to make simple choices (like how they dress or spend money)
They’ve stopped working, studying, or socialising
They seem nervous or fearful when talking about their partner
These behaviours don’t always mean someone is being abused, but they can be signs. It’s better to gently check in than to assume everything is fine.
How to support someone safely
1. Start with compassion, not confrontation
Avoid accusing or pushing. Instead, open the door gently. Try saying:
“You seem a bit down lately. I just want you to know I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
“You don’t seem yourself, is everything okay at home?”
Let them know you care without demanding answers.
2. Be a safe person
Many survivors don’t speak up because they’re afraid they won’t be believed or fear judgment. Make sure they feel emotionally safe with you:
Believe what they tell you
Don’t blame or ask “why don’t you just leave?”
Keep what they say confidential, unless someone is in immediate danger
3. Don’t rush them
Leaving an abusive relationship is incredibly hard. Survivors may face threats, housing issues, immigration concerns, or fear for their children’s safety. Offer support at their pace, not yours.
Signposting to professional help
You don’t need to have all the answers. What matters is knowing where to turn.
Women’s Aid – Spotting the signs & getting help A practical guide to recognising abuse and supporting survivors.
Refuge – Help for those experiencing emotional or coercive control Information on abuse beyond the physical and how to support someone you care about.
Confidential support, including for survivors from diverse communities.
Zinthiya Trust Specialist, culturally sensitive help including for women facing spiritual, economic or immigration-related abuse.
Final thoughts
You might never see a bruise, but that doesn’t mean someone isn’t hurting.
By listening, believing, and gently supporting, you can become a lifeline.
You don’t have to “fix” everything, just being there, without pressure or judgment, can be the first step in helping someone find their way to safety.
If you’re worried about someone, trust your instincts. You could be the safe space they’ve been needing.
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